Christianity is an Action Word: About Me

Sunday, May 4, 2008

About Me

I’ve always been uncomfortable calling myself a Christian so I define myself as a Christian only in the sense that my heart has belonged to the Lord since the day I met him.

Calling myself a Christian means I am “a little Christ” – not that Christ has a “little” of me.

In the book of Romans, Paul (who was first named Saul), an apostle, says that we all are born with "the knowledge of God" (Romans 2:12-24). Saul was a Pharisee, a Roman citizen. He was blinded by a great light “from heaven” which identified itself as Jesus.

You could say that I also had a “Road to Damascus” experience, and I believe that if you ask enough people, you’ll find that this is not limited to a ‘select few’ but, maybe, is what happens in varying degrees for each of us when we meet Jesus.

It’s really about deciding to allow Him to be our Lord and Master…..

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Me, B.C. ("before Christ")

I was 34 years old, in the process of a divorce, a single mom raising 2 small boys aged 1 and 3, with no help from their father. My health was bad, partly from severe depression and partly from medical complications. When my oldest son was 3 and ½ years old, I was booked for a major surgery. I was hit with incredible fear that I would not live through the operation and as things turned out, I almost didn't make it. I went home after a week in the hospital and then I was re-hospitalized with complications.

Looking back I can see that the Lord used that time of illness and constantly brought my thoughts to my children during that time. I started to question God. I believed that there was a “God”, but I always figured He was too busy for me. So, I started reaching out to people I knew that attended church and asked them to pray for me. If God cared for me, would He save me so I could be a mother to my children? I was well enough to go home four days later and I was so thankful to be alive.

Shortly after my second stay in the hospital a book landed in my hands - it was not the Bible, but a book with information on "How to tell if you're under spiritual attack". As I read the book I gained an understanding that there truly was a spiritual world out there; that God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit were real, but that demons and angels and satan existed too. God knew how much I loved to read and so He revealed Himself to me through other people’s life stories.

I started to pray the different prayers but when I least expected it I would get angry and in such a rage I would have to leave the room. I would question why I was so angry but could never figure it out. I blamed my ex-husband for everything I lacked – a good home, finances, health, food, and even well-behaved children. My brother continued to give me books to read and I devoured them. Finally, he gave me the last of two books. One was a book on spiritual warfare and the other was a bible. When I read the bible, I would get very tired and want to go to sleep, or the words would blur in front of my eyes or sometimes just disappear off the page, and I would put the bible down out of frustration.

Then I picked up the book on spiritual warfare and the author described my exact situation. I prayed the prayers in the book on spiritual warfare and picked up the bible again. To my amazement I could read the words and I read the gospels according to Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

As I immersed myself even more into understanding about the spiritual battle I was facing, I prayed the prayer of committing my life to Jesus. I didn’t feel any different after I had prayed and somehow came to the belief that it was too late for me to go to heaven because of the way I had lived. I was deeply convicted about my relationship with a certain man so I told him that I couldn’t see him anymore. He just figured I needed a “crutch” and religion was it. Though he reasoned with me and even proposed marriage if I would just give up “this Jesus thing” I firmly said “no” and I gave up dependence on another human and placed my life in God's hands.

During the same period of time, my oldest son was having nightmares every night. He could never tell me what happened, but they terrified him so much that he wouldn’t go back to sleep for at least an hour or more. That night I gave my life to Jesus my son again had a nightmare. By the time I got into his room and to his side, he had gone back to sleep and was even smiling!

In the morning he went downstairs to visit my brother who lived in the same building as me. My son told him about what had happened the night before.

My brother then brought him upstairs and told him to tell me what had happened. My son told me that he had been having his usual nightmare about the monsters. They asked him if they could bite him and he said no. They then went ahead anyway and bit him – this is when he started screaming. On this occasion, when the monsters started to bite him, Jesus came and gathered the monsters into a large bag and told them to leave "His Tommy" alone. He then took them out of our apartment and threw the bag into the garbage bin. He then came back to Tom’s room and told him “Tommy, I am Jesus. If those monsters ever come back, you just call My name and I will come and save you” and then He left on a cloud and went back into heaven.

Well, I was speechless. So, that Sunday we went to church. I again gave my heart to Jesus and once again felt that if I just had the right words maybe He would save me. Thus went the pattern. I immersed myself into the bible and other books and went to church on Sunday.

About three Sundays later, at the end of the sermon the pastor called people forward who needed prayer. Many people went to the front and I felt a physical presence pressing on my back and heard a voice telling me to go forward. However, I was paralyzed by fear and told the voice I was too afraid to go up there. The voice reasoned with me, yet I continued to refuse. Finally the presence left and I felt so sad and knew I should have gone up there. I felt sad and empty for the rest of the day.

The next evening, my oldest brother and his wife picked me up and we went to a conference. I should mention that at that point in my life I had been suffering for the past 2 years with a broken tailbone and couldn’t sit for longer than a few minutes at a time or I would be in complete agony. We arrived late at the conference and worshipped the Lord for the first hour. It was absolutely incredible – it was the second time I had felt such an incredible physical presence of the Lord, the first being the day before. I actually felt Him touching me.

For the next two hours I sat and listened to different pastors talking about what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus. I learned that each and every one of us could have a deep and intimate relationship with Jesus, and that I would at some point have to stand alone before God and be judged for what I had done with the life He had given me. I finally understood that I would be measured according to the righteousness of God Himself, and not compared to others here on earth.

I was hooked – I wasn’t less sinful because there were murderers or child molesters in the world. Those people would also at some point have to stand before God and give an account for their lives. What an incredible revelation!

I understood God will judge each and every person here on earth because He has created them – and he has the right to an accounting of what they have done with the life He has given them!

Towards the end of the sermons the second pastor asked people to raise their hands if they wanted to experience that deep and intimate relationship with Jesus. As I was sitting in the very back row I felt no hesitation whatsoever about putting my hand up and so I did. He said “great. In just a few minutes I’m going to have you come down to the front and we’re going to pray for you”.

“Oh great”, I thought, “now I’ve done it” – there were about 2,000 people at the conference and only a few of us put our hands up to go to the front. I could have chosen to go up to the front at church yesterday and I would pretty much have been anonymous. But now I was going to have to stand in front of about 2,000 people. Oh well I thought, no one saw me put my hand up so they won’t know if I don’t go to the front.

When the altar call came, I was almost pushed out of my chair, I stumbled over feet to go to the end of the row and I was down to the front, and not by my power! We sang Amazing Grace and the words unveiled the true meaning of God’s amazing grace to me. I finally understood who and what I was and the chance I was being given to live a new life.

Today, I could start over.

I cried as feelings of grief and sorrow overwhelmed me. I saw my attitudes as they truly were. I saw how shallow and superficial - how "me oriented" my life was, and I made a covenant with Him that I would make Him my Lord and Master from that moment on, and that I would live only for him. He then spoke to me in such a gentle voice “Lori, what can I do for you to prove how much I love you?” I asked Him if he would heal my tailbone as it was extremely painful. Immediately I sensed a heat and heard the word “done” and it was healed. I then felt that a flood of water was poured out over me, it was so strong that it felt like I was under a waterfall. I basked for the next 2 hours in the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was so wonderful. I was revitalized and yet exhausted, and yet so filled with a joy that I cannot describe.

I know I met Jesus that night and I finally knew that He loved me and found me acceptable exactly as I was.

Christianity is an Action Word

Sunday, May 4, 2008

About Me

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About Me

Me, B.C. ("before Christ")